just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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