What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
