I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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