I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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