In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
