He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
