I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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