I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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