drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
