your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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