I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
