so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
