i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
