i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
