You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
