i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
