We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
