Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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