I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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