Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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