No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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