Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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