Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
