I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize
