We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
