And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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