Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I think my fart just growled at me.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
