I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
