My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
