why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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