sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize