we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
