But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
