I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
