I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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