My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
