Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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