i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
