Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
