I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
