Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
