I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Randomize
