Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I want a musical about memes.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
