oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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