Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
