He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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