Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
