My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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