Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
