"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
