i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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