i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
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